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I screamed like a girl and scrunched up into a ball and waited for the fangs to sink into my side and ankles and slaver and rip and tear and pluck and for the snarling bagsnatchers to run off with my scrote and liver and heart and kidneys.

That earned him an admiring nickname from Bush: Scrote.

Although I lived in Ireland for a number of years, there were plenty of words and phrases here that were new to me, including “chattyboo,” “noodenaw,” “crackawlies” and, best of all, “jackeen scrote.”

He complained he had been the victim of "an orchestrated smear campaign" which "made me look like a scrote".

Then the format was changed so that instead of some local 'scrote' stealing an old lady's handbag, storylines would involve organised gangs of swarthy Albanians smuggling in sex slaves, tonnes of cocaine and rocket launchers.