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“It has that muffin top, so when you insert it, it’s pretty painful,” said Sarah Howard, marketing director at the free-vend company Aunt Flow, one of few producers to update the cardboard applicator since the New Deal.

The whole idea reminds me of the muffin top shop from “Seinfeld.”

And so, bulge by bulge, lump by lump, my body grew all the infamous mounds and blobs our culture likes to invent insulting nicknames for: a muffin top, moobs and — most especially — love handles.

“I’ve been hearing ’bout ‘dad bods’ a little too long/So what about my muffin top is wrong?” she sings tartly, adding an implied eye-roll at the chorus: “I can’t be the only one who likes/Extra fries over exercise.”

Ms. Dominczyk snapped back on Twitter, saying: “Funny, his wife is a size 10, muffin top & all, & he does her just fine.”